


Link's a Scumbag

by HotRodasaurus



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Gen, Link actually speaks., Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 08:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18311693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HotRodasaurus/pseuds/HotRodasaurus
Summary: Link has a problem, or better yet, Link IS a problem.  There's no telling what he will do in any situation, but you can bet his actions are completely detached from his morals, if he even has any morals.  A collection of Link's misdemeanors following the story as best as I can.





	Link's a Scumbag

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfiction I have ever written (except that one I am never telling anyone about), so I hope this will be a bit of a learning experience for me. Or perhaps an exercise in sentence structuring, whatever, I don't care. This is strictly for fun and it's not going to be that serious. On another note, have you ever noticed that Link is a bit... forceful in his ways. Like for example, how he toys with Bozai's emotions while disguised as a lady just so he can get his grubby little hands on some sand/snow boots. Ruthless, *shakes head*. Regardless, please enjoy Link making everyone's lives miserable for his own benefit, or really no one's benefit, he doesn't care. All characters are property of Nintendo. But I own this story. Also, I occasionally use some dialogue from the game. Double also... spoilers.

-“Link…”-

 

-“Link…”-

 

-“Open your eyes…”-

 

-“Open your eyes.”-

 

-“Wake up, Li...”-  
Link splashes up, out of the water. “Dammit lady, I’m nappin’ here!”  
He shambles out of the incubator-like contraption and shuffles over to a short pedestal on the other side of the room, draping himself over it.  
“Good grief, it feels like I’ve been asleep for a hundred years.”  
-“That’s because you have been.”-  
Link jerked his head up, “That voice again.” he thought. “So what’s the big idea? I haven’t even gotten dressed yet. You peepin’!?” he yelled.  
-“Ugh… just take the Sheikah Slate from the pedestal. I don’t have much time to argue.”-  
“Alright, fine… I get it. Skip the date and get right to the fun stuff. I feel you.”  
The disembodied voice let out a huff, but spoke no more. Suddenly, the pedestal Link was resting on began to churn. As he got up, a little rectangular device with a glowing center popped up from the surface of the pedestal. Assuming it was the Sheikah Slate the lady mentioned, he picked it up and hooked it to a leather belt that mysteriously found its way around his waist. Almost immediately after obtaining his new toy, the room began to shudder and a door opened up before him. Behind the door was a misty corridor containing a few crates, barrels and two chests.  
Link gasped, “Look a barrel… Crates AND Barrels!? I could build an entire society down here.”  
Completely bypassing the crates and barrels, Link walked over and opened the chests. “I guess since nobody else is here, I can claim these for myself.”  
He held up what looked to be an old shirt and some well-worn trousers. “Oh, gross. Who would wear this? I’m not some hobo living in the mountains. I deserve better.” He tossed the clothing to the ground and walked up to the next pedestal.  
Suddenly, the lady’s voice returned.  
-“Hold the Sheikah Slate up to the pedestal. That will show you the way.”-  
“Hey, welcome back. I see you just couldn’t get enough of me.”  
-“Shut up! Place the Sheikah Slate on the pedestal and be on your way.”-  
“Wow… feisty.”  
Holding the Sheikah Slate up to the pedestal’s ornately decorated surface, it suddenly flashed blue and the room began to shudder again. This time, an even larger door with a much more complicated locking mechanism began to rearrange itself. A blinding light poured into the once dormant chamber and revealed what looked to be a staircase leading up to a near blinding view of the outside world.  
Encouraged by the desire for fresh air, Link made his way up the steps, taking a minute to climb up a short ledge, and forging his way over to the edge of a cliff showcasing a cornucopia of several diverse landscapes. A wide grin crossed Link’s face as he peered out towards the vastness of Hyrule.  
“Now this is a veritable playground, isn’t it? Nobody to tell me what do to or where to go. I can do whatever I want.”  
“Ho! Boy come here for a minute!” boomed a voice from his right.  
“Tch…” Link sneered in the direction of the voice. An older looking man was standing there grasping a cane with a lantern. The old man seemed to be beckoning him.  
“Speaking of some hobo living in the mountains.”  
Uncertain whether to trust the man or not, Link found himself walking over to him anyways. As he approached the rocky overhang he found a steadily burning fire and the old man sitting next to it.  
“I say, my boy... you must be awfully chilly wearing nothing but your skivvies.”  
“Screw you old timer, I’ll dress how I like.” Link snapped back as he plopped down onto the ground near the fire. Spotting a freshly baked apple lying on the ground, he picked it up and began eating it. Considering he hadn’t eaten in one hundred years, he deserved to have a little snack.  
“I BEG YOUR PARDON! I do believe that is my baked apple! You can’t just go about taking whatever you please!”  
Link sneered again.  
“Who cares, it’s not very good anyways.” He said as he tossed the half-eaten fruit over his shoulder and over the cliffside.”  
The old man let out an audible sigh.  
“So what’s a fat old man doing way out here? It doesn’t look like there’s anything worth seeing. Do you live here? Fat lot of good sitting by a fire all day does.”  
Link’s face defined the image of boredom while the old man’s face was visibly shaking.  
“Boy, I’ll have you know that this fat old man can do whatever he likes! I do live here and I am quite content with it! If you can’t come to respect that, then maybe I won’t tell you how to use that little gadget you sport on your hip!”  
Link’s curiosity spiked hearing this.  
“Oh yeah! Now we’re talkin’! Gimme a shot of that old man wisdom and crack this thing open for me.”  
The old man made a frustrated grunt.  
“If it means you’ll leave me alone, then follow this path northeast until you happen upon a large pile of rubble. There you will find an odd looking pedestal. I am certain it has something to do with that device you hold now. I am unsure what you are supposed to do, but I trust you will figure something out. Then we will work our way up from there. Do you understand?”  
Link was in the middle of standing up as the old man finished speaking.  
“If I didn’t understand, then I wouldn’t be getting up to leave now, would I?” was his response. “I really can’t stand to be here much longer anyways.”  
“Likewise.” Was the old man’s retort. “And do be wary of Bokoblins while you’re out. They really are quite vicious.”  
Link looked back. “The hell is a Bokoblin?”  
“You’ll find out soon enough.”  
Link slowly turned around and began following the weathered path. His silence was his only farewell. After Link was far enough away the old man muttered under his breath.  
“I hope Ganon kicks his ass.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos to anyone who spots the Game Grumps reference. If anybody has any constructive criticism, by all means, lemme hear it. I plan to dish out a few more chapters of this at least. The good thing is, this isn't so much a story as it is a bunch of small skits. Though they will be arranged to be in order canonically. So if I end up cutting this fic short, it won't be the end of the world.


End file.
